EVA Sings!
by ZX-Tole
Summary: A quickly whipped up comedy about Shinji and his tape player...


I always thought Shinji could use a new tape for his portable player   
(which he listens to constantly), so why not have the EVA gang redo a bunch of   
old songs? Which in turn led to...  
  
*EVA Sings!* "All your favorites (?) on one compact disc!" ^_^  
  
I'm open to all criticism (since it's my first fanfic), so just send email   
(please it gets awful lonely out here...).   
  
  
As usual, all disclaimers apply (all characters/songs are not mine),   
and there are some spoilers so you know the drill. (8/20/1999   
zx-tole@geocities.com)  
  
===============================================================  
  
Shinji came home one evening after another hard day of sync tests and Asuka's   
bitching, and decided to listen to his handy dandy tape player. However, he was  
in the mood for something other than what he had on his tape (you can   
listen to it for only so long you know...).   
  
He looked all over his room for something other than the tape that he always   
listened to, but he couldn't find anything. "I wonder if Asuka has anything,"   
he thought. Then he remembered what time of the month it was... "Maybe not..."  
  
So, he walked to the local CD shop, but forgot that it was destroyed by the   
one of the angels. "Damn it, where is an entertainment place when you need it..."   
He looked everywhere, but he couldn't find anything. "Maybe Toji or Kensuke   
has something," and he quickly went over to Toji's since he and Kensuke are   
always doing something.   
  
Toji answered the door, and seeing Shinji checked to make sure Asuka was not   
with him (hey, even Toji knows when not to start a fight...). "It's a good   
thing it's only you Shinji, since Asuka... well... you know..." said Toji.   
"Yeah even I know when to keep my distance Toji," said Shinji "By the way, do   
have any tapes that I could borrow?"  
  
"Actually... hey now... where'd they... Sorry Shinji, guess someone took 'em."   
"That's okay Toji, everything's been screwed up lately anyway. Do you know   
where Kensuke is?" asked Shinji. "I think he went with his dad to check out   
some military installation or something, probably will come back with a bunch   
of videos..." said Toji.  
  
After saying good bye to Toji, he decided to check back at the NERV base to see   
if anyone had anything that he could listen to. Even Aobe the dead head   
(thought he'd work good as one)of the tech reps, didn't have anything. "What   
the hell do these people do during the non combat hours besides tests!! Doesn't   
anyone listen to music or something!!"  
  
Then Shinji found the company complaint/suggestion box... "Let's see... Angel   
damage... experiment failures... Aha, here it is, suggestions. What to write...   
'get company music program started.' That ought to do it." He placed it in the   
box and it got immediately sent to the suggestion department.   
  
Inside the department, a lone figure covered in dust due to his long waiting period  
eagerly snatched up the document. "At last... after all this time someone really   
cares... Hey! That's not such a bad idea... it's at least a change from all of that   
dramatic elevator music they've had in the background."   
  
So, he sent it directly to Commander Ikari himself. "Hmm... this is interesting...   
I wonder if the committee will sit still for this..." said Gendo. "At least we'll   
have a chance to have the tango played over the intercom..." added Fuyutski as he   
switches on the player and he and Gendo begin to dance...  
  
When Shinji came in for his sync test the next day he was amazed to hear everyone   
talk about an upcoming music program. "Finally, I was really getting bored with   
those same f*cking songs being played over and over..." As he got changed for   
his sync test, Fuyutski came over the intercom, "The Commander wishes to see you   
Shinji..." *sound of heavy breathing* "Damn it Fuyutski! You forgot to turn off   
the intercom," yelled Gendo. "Sorry..." *click* "What does my father really do..."  
thought Shinji.  
  
"So Shinji," Gendo said, "you want a music program do you?" All he could manage to   
say in his presence was a measly high pitched "yes...*ulp*." "Well we were thinking   
the same thing right Fuyutski?" added Gendo behind his gloved hands. "Yes..." said   
Fuyutski with a glint in his eyes "There is only one problem, we don't have any music   
of any kind in the entire Geofront. So, we'll just have to make up our own..." making   
sure the stereo was out of view.  
  
"...and so the Commander's ordering us to participate in a music advancement program,"   
said Ritsuko. "What do you mean ordered!?" whined Asuka "Can't he just order the extras   
to make up music while we do the important things... (*remembers sync tests*) then   
again..." Rei just sat in her entry plug and took in everything that was going on.   
  
By the next day, the base now had a music studio (which was a redesigned bio psychics lab,   
lots of those just lying around you know). Everyone from the EVA team was put into the   
studio (or at least everyone with importance to the show's plot) including all the   
children/hopefuls(what's left anyway), the tech team (Ritsuko, Hyuuga, etc.), and Kaji   
(he never died, they just put him in the basement with everything else). The only   
problem was that no one knew what they were going to do, let alone how to go about   
doing it.  
  
The sound of "what are you going to do," filled the air in the large room and resonated   
off the metal walls... Until... "Will you all shut the f*ck up!!" yelled Asuka, who   
was already getting a migraine only to have the loud yell bounce back at her "How are   
we supposed to think let alone act in here anyway..." "Fuyutski, you forgot the sound   
proofing," scolded Gendo. "Don't worry Gendo it'll be up in two hours... unless an   
angel attacks or something..."  
  
All of a sudden... "Commander a whole mess of angels are on their way down to this   
very room!!" screamed a tech. "You and your big mouth Fuyutski...Why aren't they   
going after Lilith," thought Gendo. Then, the ceiling burst upward to reveal all 15   
(3 through 17)of the previous angels led by Kaoru Nagisa. "I'm here to ascertain my   
love for you by song Ikari Shinji," said Kaoru for all to hear much to Shinji's chagrin.   
Everyone just stared at Kaoru, then Shinji, then Kaoru, then...  
  
"I didn't know Shinji was gay, no wonder he's been resisting my charms," said Asuka.   
"I'm not gay!!!" yelled Shinji. "But I love you Shinji..." said Kaoru. "Kaoru let's   
just be friends, ok?!" pleaded Shinji trying to save some dignity. "Alright, as you   
wish my love ('he will be mine' thought Kaoru)..."   
  
"So, now the angels are here to help us make music, god help us," said Misato. "That's   
why we're here," said Kaoru. "I had to ask," she thought. Maya then piped up saying,   
"who wants to go first? I'm here to mix the vocal tracks, not sing." "I'll go," said   
Kaoru. As he started his routine, he began to remove his clothing in a most seductive   
way in Shinji's direction, "Happy Birthday Mr. President..." Kaoru sang with the angels   
in back up. "God damn it Kaoru I said STOP IT!!!" yelled Shinji. "Sorry my love..."   
"I'm not gay Kaoru!!! How many times do I have to tell you!!!"  
  
Everybody else stared at the pair with sweat drops on their heads. Then Shinji remembered   
everyone else was in the room and quickly turned bright red. "An...ybody else...?"   
stuttered Maya. "I will." volunteered Misato beer in hand. She gave Maya the background  
music and started singing "Have A Drink On Me" by AC/DC. Everybody else was thinking   
"this figures..."  
  
After she was done, Toji and Kensuke volunteered with "My (Our) Friend of Misery (Shinji)"  
by Metallica. Shinji just thought, "what else can people do to embarrass me today..."   
"Oh Shinji..." said Asuka sarcastically, "I didn't know that you were involved with Kaoru...  
(as she faked a sad look) I guess that means you don't love me..." "How many times do I   
have to tell you people that I'm not gay!!" yelled Shinji forgetting that his yelling   
would be recorded.  
  
After the Toji/Kensuke were finished, Shinji volunteered with the hope of being out of   
the line of fire while he sang "Self Esteem" by Offspring. Luckily for him however,   
things started to die down after that (except for a few instances of Kaoru grabbing   
his ass), and he was able to enjoy a little piece and quiet.  
  
After that, Gendo, Fuyutski, and Kaji sang "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen, with Hyuuga   
and Aobe in the background. While the Commander followed with a solo of "Peaches" by   
the Presidents of the United States of America. "Why is my father singing that song?"   
Shinji asked Fuyutski. "It's because peaches are the only food he can eat during his   
meetings with Chairman Keele, that's why he always has his hands in front of his face."   
"Oh, that's why he always does that," said Shinji.  
  
"Well, at least things can't get much weirder," thought Shinji, however... "Commander!   
Unit 01 has broken free of the cage and is heading down here right now!!" "Oh well,"  
thought Shinji again "at least it might eat Kaoru or rip off his head again or something."  
Evangelion Unit 01 crashed through the already broken ceiling and landed in an empty   
spot conveniently under it. Everyone looked up to see what its next action might be,   
when everybody noticed that it had a giant headset on. "Yui why do you always do this   
at the most inopportune times," said Gendo. "Sir, no one besides you and me are supposed   
to know that right now..." Fuyutski said. "Oh yeah, oops, I guess it just slipped..."  
  
Without anyone trying to get in it's way, Unit 01 moved toward the recording "booth,"   
and proceeded to do its rendition of "Eat It" by Weird Al. All the angels winced thinking   
it was their turn (again) to fall prey to the mighty Evangelion, but were relieved when it   
just kept on signing (if you call mostly guttural sounds "singing")   
  
After that just about everyone had their turn, except for Rei who was sitting quietly   
in the corner the whole time. "Why don't you sing Rei, even Unit 01 sang although   
Yui never really had an ear for music..." said Gendo. "I heard that!" yelled Unit 01.   
"If that's an order sir, I'll try," said Rei in her usual monotone voice. "That's an   
order Rei, go out there and have some fun like the rest of us." So Rei got up and started   
to sing a surprisingly lively version of "Living La Vie Loca" by Ricky Martin. Everyone   
looked on with their jaws dropped (especially the guys since she was dancing in a... umm...  
really nice manner).  
  
Later, when Shinji got home, he collapsed on his bed and put his old tape in his tape   
player. "Why is it always me?" he wonders as he drifts off to sleep. He then rolled over  
to get more comfortable when he bumped into something. "Happy Birthday Mr. President..."  
said Kaoru. "AAAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!!" screamed Shinji as he ran out of the room.  
  
==================================================================  
  
Hope you liked it. I just put it together one day on a whim and I don't think that it's   
really too bad. Feel free to contact me to let out your anger or whatever, any form of   
criticism is welcomed. Oh yeah, if any of the names are wrong/misspelled I'm sorry, but I  
just couldn't remember them.  
  



End file.
